The Infertile Soul

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The honest, ugly truth about infertility.

I know what its like to find out others feel the same things I do. To know you are not alone with something - especially something negative like feeling sad when you hear of a friends baby news, or feeling angry that everyone else is pregnant, or mad at people for being fertile... That for me was really exciting. It was a huge relief to find I was not alone in feeling such ugly, totally not politically correct type feelings.

I feel someone, somewhere along the way, needs to be honest about the ugliness of infertility. That it can produce feelings that are unfair, that are offensive, that make us feel guilty and bad. But they exist, and they are real. People cope with it in different ways. I myself am not very good at it.

I have expressed these ugly feelings on websites at times, and been hammered for it. I have kept on defending our right to using any means to cope, even though I know that to many, thats not right or fair. That grief shouldnt be at anyones expense. Grief is not rational or fair. We'd gladly swap you these feelings we do not choose to have. I am really angry that people sometimes have found my grief unacceptable, that it should be over, that I should cope better, that I have to express my grief in ways they approve of. It doesnt work like that though.

I once got an email from a fellow infertile, that said how grateful she was to read that her feelings were relatively normal. That she wasn't just a horrible monster for feeling them, and that others shared that feeling. That was important to me, and others with infertility need to see this in all its ugliness so they know they are not alone.

Similarly, those who are lucky enough not to have to deal with these feelings need to understand they exist and are valid. I want this site to be a place where people can comment anonymously, in response to this post, and free their dark, ugly, horrible but honest feelings about coping with infertility. Lighten your soul, set it free.